When there’s quiet, your mind shouts louder.
I’m currently on an island called Koh Phangan in the south of Thailand. I got here yesterday and am staying for four days. It’s picture-postcard perfect. The sea is blue, the sky is bluer, the sand is white and in between it’s all green tropical forest and palm trees.
However, I feel quite unidllyic, if that’s even a word. To be absolutely honest, I feel lonely and sad. My throat feels like it’s got a stone stuck in it, my neck and the base of my skull are tight and I feel like I can’t breathe fully.
There are people everywhere: manbuns and dreadlocks, bikinis, tanned and toned bodies on the beach, lots of tattoos and those slightly disconcerting beatific smiles that yoga people always seem to wear. There are eateries called things like ‘Conscious Café’ (as opposed to what, I wonder? An unconscious café?), Vegan Paradise, Organic Kitchen, Happy Herbs and, well, you get the picture.
I don’t mind all of that stuff. Really, I don’t. I just don’t feel a part of it and don’t want to be part of it either. Chakras and prolonged eye contact just aren’t my bag, but I feel somehow ashamed to be feeling crap in a tropical paradise surrounded by shiny, happy people. You could say I’m feeling a bit sorry for myself, but hey, we all have the right to feel that from time to time.
I’m meeting up with a friend very soon though, which will definitely help. No woman is an island, even if she’s on one. Or something.