Things got very overwhelming a few days after my last post in October and I wasn’t sure how to carry on. I’m still alive though which is better than being dead, given that if I’m dead there’s definitely no hope of getting better and having an enjoyable life. As long as you’re alive, there’s some hope, even though i really struggle to see it sometimes. I’ve had a medication change in the last few months, which has been destabilising to say the least, and have spent a lot of time hiding in my room, hiding from life, hiding from the possibility of suicide and from anxiety.

This is how anxiety feels:

Whooshes of fear

Stomach churning jolts

Falling and falling

No ground

Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

Dying of terror

How to accept all this and not lose heart?

I would love to get better now, please.